Full summer. Blue skies. Swallows on the wing. Butterflies dancing. Crops ripening. A seemingly fractured world. These words spoke to me this morning:‘The world is not divided between East and West. You are American, I am Iranian, we don’t know each other, but we talk and understand each other perfectly. The difference between you and our government is bigger than the difference between you and me. And the difference between me and my government is much bigger than the difference between me and you. And our Governments Are Very Much The Same! ‘
Marjane Satrapi, Iranian Graphic Novelist
We are constantly negotiating difference. We live in a world of difference. It is our uniqueness which makes us individual and special. Yet difference is used to negate others – individuals, groups, religions, whole countries. We grow up in family cultures where difference can be celebrated or ostracised. ‘Othering’ has become a familiar word it describes a way of creating a distinction between an ‘in group’ and an ‘out group’ by emphasising difference as something which is bad or to be feared. It marginalises individuals or groups of individuals and in that way excludes. The mechanism can include belittling, putting down, blaming, undermining others values and beliefs, being selective with the truth or actively spreading falsehoods, prejudice, denying, morally undermining, hostility, hostility towards the unknown, creating grievances and fear, marginalising and fostering inequality and more.
It has been described as ‘a set of dynamics, processes and structures that engender marginality and persistent inequality across any of the full range of human differences based on group identities’.. (otheringandbelonging.org)
The opposite of othering is belonging. Belonging is a fundamental human need as described in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and can be thought about in part as our earliest attachment to others. John Bowlby one of the earliest writers on attachment described it as a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings.”. this process is developed through our earliest attachments with our care givers and the experiences we had in infancy. At a social level belonging is about inclusion, fairness, justice and care for the earth.
When I think about othering and belonging I think about it at a macro societal level – how our governments, multinational businesses operate, the media, excludes and create fear of difference. At social level we can negate people from different regions or even different neighbourhoods, we see it in families as jealousies play out. Significantly we can also think about it as structures within ourselves. The negative and often critical voices we hold which don’t allow us to accept all aspects of ourselves or prevent us from fulfilling our potential or desires by limiting our choices or beliefs in self. It was highly illuminative for me to be around my mother when she was recovering from a major illness and hearing her usually inner dialogue externalised – a constant monologue of self-criticism and judgement. I had been subject to a more subtle experience of this growing up. In the externalised form of her old age, I could hear how unjust and damaging this monologue was to her and those around her. We unconsciously absorb these subtle messages and incorporate them into our internal structures and come to believe the messages we receive as true. They can be damaging to our self-image, impact our mental health and prevent us from being fully who we truly are. The process of psychotherapy is about integrating the different aspects of ourselves. Giving space to the unwanted parts of ourselves which we push away. By working with them, shining a light on them and bringing in compassion, we can begin to develop a love for self. A deeper sense of self-worth and sense of who we are in the world. Jung talked about this as the process of Individuation. Sandplay therapy is a gentle and powerful way of working towards integration and individuation. It is a creative technique which through the use of a sandtray and symbols or miniatures gives the opportunity to express ourselves in images. When our hands first make contact with the sand there is usually an immediate experience of soothing and relaxation. Something deep in our psyches is touched. The movement of the sand and the selection of the miniatures engages all aspects of our brains.
Jung wrote:
‘Often the hands know how to solve a riddle with which the intellect has wrested in vain’.
Sandplay does not start from a place of having to explain or understand, it is based upon the direct experience in the moment. The sand and symbols find their own place and the scenes created are a spontaneous reflection of the moment. It is a dialogue between the conscious and unconscious parts of our brain.
You may be wondering what does this have to do with living in a fractured world? Many people work with groups and organisations to bring about changes in our world a sense of peace and understanding. While sandplay can be applied to working with groups it is also a useful tool or way of working to bring together the different aspects of ourselves – the fractured parts of our selves. These separations within our psyches create disharmony, anxiety, depression and a host of other presentations. One of the ways we manage this is ‘othering’. Sandplay offers an opportunity to slough off the parts we no longer want and bring together a greater sense of internal unity. In some significant way I believe these individual actions impact us as individuals and those around us and into the society in which we live.